A Garden of Virtues

I thought today about why and how I collect my dolls. Here are some of my ideas. My last several doll purchases have been nude or TLC vintage dolls. I want to feel a doll is arriving to me for me to interact with her in some way, whether making her clothing or fixing her hair or face. If a doll is "complete" I just don't feel that same need. For me making doll clothing is about connecting with my doll. I love to see dolls wearing things their owners made on any level of skill. It makes a doll look loved by and connected to her owner. For this reason I have only been pursuing nude dolls. I have been unable to find a nude Evangeline for a price I'm okay with paying, so I have held off. As far as price I have levels I feel comfortable about. Even though I'd really love to have Dannie and Garth, my future (hopefully) Dollmore models, I put a lot of expense into Josette and want to hold back on any BJD purchases for a while. My focuses are BJD's and vintage Barbie...

I'm really excited to purchase my first Tonner doll, Alice Cullen. I decided I would like to collect the Twilight dolls because I'm so interested in the series as a sort of point of reference in modern culture, its contrasts to other vampire or romance stories. I am reading Eclipse now. I like the pared-down, unpretentious styles of the characters, and I really look forward to sewing for my Alice. Plus, I had a really tough weekend and I needed a new doll. Help me feel better, Alice. <3

Okay I decided (though it may be a fight with autocorrect) that my first Evangeline and Mortimer will be Rosselle and Kaspar and I want the pair, I'm going to wait until I have enough money to pay for both, and I am going to play with them seriously, I want to do pretty fairy-like tattoos on Rosselle, who I see as Marie Antoinette inspired, and Kaspar is Nordic metal inspired, particularly Kamelot. I would do some cute tattoos on Kaspar also, hopefully some Nordic symbols. Changeable wig for Rosselle, and I particularly want to change her eyelashes for lime green or violet.

Still considering Evangeline in the future, but I feel what's right for me is to de-clutter what I have first, and I don't feel motivated to do that. It's very dispiriting to go through that room actually. I have many dolls I know I don't need that have many little pieces and ensembles I'm going to have to chase down, and I'm not going to get that much money for any of it. I cannot even get into that closet to get some things I need, for sewing or otherwise, it's craziness. I tried my Hot Looks clothes and American Girl clothes on Josette today. The Hot Looks tops work well, but the bottoms are too small. I don't know that the style suited her. Her presence is so different than my other Ha Yarn Cho. It's very difficult for me to believe it's the same doll. I have thought of comparing photos, but I feel almost touchy about it. I don't really want to think about the old Josette or the differences between the old and the new. The old Josette h...

Through this film of darkness covering my gaze and all that I see my thoughts are all for you What am I, who am I, that I long for the sheltering gloom of that dark place why, when I am lonely, can I not seek the companionship of others Why do I go where I am not wanted Why am I peaceful where I am not comfortable? I feel it would be the joy of my life to please you just once But again and again I disappoint Just when it is most crucial to succeed I make my slip And am fated always to be lackluster in your eyes Why when I am separated from that place Do my thoughts turn toward it again and again That dark and lonely morgue? Just when I think I may have won your approval You remind me that I am unwanted Just when I think you might open the door I find it locked against me You shut me out and leave me with my own scattered thoughts It seems like I belong with you Or at least I don't belong anywhere else Won't you please give me a chance?  

I am sitting by the window watching the rain fall over the fields like a gray mantle. It is in tune with my spirits, and I wish the tears could fall so easily from my eyes. My small red canary Cerise is singing as though his heart would break. He loves this rain that is falling after months of drought. I wish Cerise would let me hold him, but he is averse to my touch. After months he is still terrified when I reach inside of his cage to replenish his food or water. I feel so sad and alone. On days like these I long for even a single memory of Mortimer's regard or kindness. I know he does not think of me, but if he knew the depth of my feelings for him, would he be able to remain unmoved? I think I hear the sounds of wheels on gravel outside, but how can it be? * I couldn't believe my eyes as I looked out the window and saw the Morts' carriage. My heart skipped a beat, then two beats, as I saw the tall, straight figure of Mr. Mort emerge in the gloom and advance toward my ho...

The sky is gray and balmy, promising much-needed rain. The ground is dry and hard beneath dead yellow grass leaves. It is too late, though: one evening of rain will not revitalize the earth. The grass will have to re-grow from seed. I watch from my window as clouds gather. There is a pot of tea near my elbow as I always brew a pot of tea after work. I always drink black tea with no sugar or cream in it, in the morning, and when I come home from work. My tea pot is very old with hairline cracks that my ancestors sealed with gold, as the Japanese tea masters do. The design on the pot is of delicately drawn birds of paradise with long, flourishing tails. The matching cups and saucers have similar exotic paintings and are similarly repaired with gold seal. Summer is usually my favorite season. Even though I have no vacation to take, I love to think of children playing, I think of the summers of my childhood I spent to myself dreaming and writing, and when I started a new school session, I ...