A Garden of Virtues

  I have the house all to myself these days. How quiet it all is! I leap at my own shadow. I anticipated peace and quiet, curling up in the rocker with the poetry of Percy Bysshe Shelley introduced to me by the mistress. It came to me, in a breath of wind down through the chimney like a whisper from the past, that this house was not always so quiet. There is a sense of tragedy here. I climbed from the rocker and traversed into the bedroom. I felt cold and shaky from my daring, knowing that my lady would never approve of my doings. The mistress is very secretive about certain things. In my lady's bedroom is an antique cupboard half-rusted shut. She has told me that once we are moved she will make it my apartment. It is just my size, the top shelf ideal for my bunk, the middle shelf for my things and the bottom fits my cast-iron stove and other furnishings. However my lady has never actually shown me my apartment or fitted me in the bunk. It is to be my own soon. Surely it is n...

  I have been reading this remarkable hand-made poetry book sent to Amanda by a very kind friend. I am captivated by the poetry selections and long to discover the kind of life these words embody. A life of freedom, and of love. I am just a little doll who sits in a rocking chair, but my heart is filled with dreams.

Fanchon wore Franklin Mint's Jackie Kennedy peach dress and accessories and her own denim mules and posed amidst various vintage fabrics. I think she looks like a peach daiquiri personified. Taking these photos in an artificial environment in summer reminded me of quiet days at my grandparents' in the summer when I would make a beach indoors with beach towels and chaise lounges and drag all the lamps into one place to make it very bright. Then I would put on my swim suit and "bask" in the sun. I made a video slideshow of Fanchon in this dress since I am learning to use Sony Vegas software for longer and hopefully more complicated slideshows and videos. I am torn as to whether I should share it, because I know it is flawed. The song is one of my favorites, "The Ghost Woman and the Hunter," by Lacuna Coil. Watch the video "La peche" >>

The day before yesterday I spent all evening learning to use Sony Vegas. I love software, especially when I can make things with it. Vegas is very complicated for me. It makes my head hurt trying to understand all the different dimensions that go into editing video, but I really like that I can control every aspect. I have really wanted to make a doll video. I used pictures from my first shoot with Fanchon to make a very brief slideshow, and that was instructive. It gave me a great idea for my next photo shoot. Right now I am keeping the cube set up in the project room. Is it any wonder why I don't take more doll photos? My cat is hell bent on entering the cube. I spent several minutes last night carefully sealing the Velcro around the front end, because if there is the slightest ripple, he will pick his way in, which is a disaster. He gets hair on my background, wrinkles it, not to mention what he will do to poor Fanchon. He has maimed his share of dolls in our home. In addition m...

Nathan has had bad allergies lately. Yesterday we went to Coffee Haus and sat outside for about an hour. It was absolutely blissful, but he was affected by the time we got home and went to bed immediately, leaving me to roam around boredly in the dawn of my weekend-days. I did some thinking of what to do next for Fanchon. I haven't done any more photos for her, because I have wanted to give her a gothic look, and I haven't known quite what I wanted to do. I read through Gothic Beauty, then randomly remembered my Beast, and pulled him out of a box and put him next to Fanchon. I had intended to do a BatB story with Isabeau, but she will probably be sold (Item #2) soon, so I don't want to get attached. Fanchon is a little taller than Beast, but so much smaller in every other way, they look okay together. I was trying to decide today how long I have had Beast. His tag is ©1992, but I know I bought him a couple years after the movie came out. I remember buying him at Wal-mar...

Welcome to my world, Fanchon, almost. I spent Easter weekend cleaning, sanding and sueding Fanchon and on Sunday strung her all up with new elastic. I was filled with pride for her. I would never have taken one of my other incredibly expensive dolls apart, nor would I have sudeded them, but Fanchon was not only very cheap, but had special needs and required all of this. I made things up as I went along. I used sewing elastic, which ends up being a little too slack, and I super-glued beige microfiber dust cloth to her sockets as her "suede." I have never even seen a doll sueded, but I really love how she turned out. You can see some of the buff-colored cloth around her joints, but it is positioned neatly, and I am proud to show that I did it. In addition I cleaned almost every little atom of paint from her, except from her face, which I knew better than to touch with anything damp, and her fingers, which were the worst hit and also the most delicate to clean. The residue is ve...

I took Fanchon apart today and examined her various maladies. It was strange to be handling a ball-jointed doll again. I really loved the feeling of scrubbing her down, examining her cracks and sharp edges and planning where I would suede her. I love the thought of transforming her from a horridly painted, cracked thing into a luxury ball-jointed doll. I put her eyelashes in today. It was my best setting ever! It was another thing I never thought I would do again. My work in the laboratory for the past year has made me much stronger and more dextrous, and I think I will be able to do everything I want for her. I will look on the forums about how to repair her cracks and chipping joints. I will plan everything I want to do before I put her back together again, because I do not want to unstring her again after this. She is too delicate.

Last week I had a vision of Fanchon and Elton walking together in River Legacy Park. I anticipated with happiness the forthcoming summer, when I will be able to photograph my dolls in nature again. I am going to resurrect my Flickr again, which I have not used in at least three years, as another medium for sharing. Spring is coming forth. Everything around me is a soft green. I can see down into the river from the balcony. The leaves are so tender and half-furled.

I can't believe it. It looks like the rusted gates to The Garden of Virtues are going to be laboriously parted by small articulated resin hands after all once more. I am glad that I am buying Lanie's Angel, but I am also a little sad. I remember disposing of Dresden along with my other dolls. I was in a vicious rage. I hesitated over Dresden's prone form, thinking, goodness, even I don't think of her as a BJD, is this really necessary? And then, blindly, cutting the strings. I can't believe I am actually talking about this now. I have not talked about it before. I regretted losing her afterward, because I did not really need to part with her. She was a sweet, special presence, a little woman. I have kept all of her eyes, wigs and clothes. Of course I will never forget the moments in which I divested all of my BJD's of their clothing, wigs and eyes. The other day Henry came around with a little velcro he had found and I grew faint, knowing that it had come fro...