A Garden of Virtues

I just gave Dresden a good cleaning.  After her cleaning, I tried this silver wig on her, and I loved how it brought out that early Dream of Doll look. I decided to dress her casually and pose her with my Urban Decay Rock Superstar Face Case. The face case, a Christmas gift from my husband, is from the early 2000's (I collect makeup from that period). I tried to think of a good early-00's photo effect, but the only effects I associate with the period are black and white or blue tint, which would conceal the color of Dresden's newly-buffed resin. So, I settled for rounded corners, because I remember adding frames and the like to my digital photos back then.

I don't want to go out anymore.  I don't want to go out beyond the perimeter of this property. I just want to absorb the nature of this place. I have seen so much, and I just want to reflect. If I stay here long enough and think through and remember, I'll be able to unravel this tangle of places and people I've encountered over the years, and put everything in order. I'll have a complete understanding of all I've seen and done, then, if I could just take enough time here, and don't see anything else for a while.  I only want to go out to local places, because now, I have learned that the soil seethes with history, and that stones radiate stories. I have learned how to read history in the trees, soil, and stones, and I only want to go out to local places and read those stories, and experience the past overlaying the present. In those moments, the curtain between the past and the present vanishes. Nothing ever ...

Thinking about my character, Shirley, today. An American girl with Scots-Irish heritage. She has her own horse. She's sixteen, with long, curling red hair. I have won my Serendipity Sharmin and will pick her up on my birthday. The seller agreed to my picking her up for free rather than paying shipping cost. I will pick her up on my birthday. We will stay in Austin for my birthday. What can be a better birthday than this? I will have lunch in Fairfield with my mom before I go to Austin to pick up my Sharmin.

I have been seeing the name "Ophelia" on gravestones; it seems to have been a popular name in the 1800s, but is less commonly-used now. The name brings my character, and former doll, Ophelia, and this journal to mind. I decided to start writing in this journal again. I have also been thinking of having a doll version of my character Ophelia again. I may get myself another ball-jointed doll for my birthday, but I'm not completely decided on it. This particular doll purchase would make for a really fun birthday for me, because I would be able to pick her up in Austin, which I love traveling to. The doll, a Serendipity Sharmin, has a broken finger, but a new set of ball-jointed doll hands is not really expensive. It's amazing that the cost of the doll is so greatly reduced for that reason. I had created a particular eBay search for this sculpt, because she has been on my wish list for so many years. There are several dolls that I am hoping to find on the secondhand ma...

For my second project of the year, I am knitting knees socks for Josette. So far, these are going according to plan.

I have made a New Year's resolution to make one hundred doll items in 2012. My first item is ruffled pyjama bottoms. So far, they don't look quite like I planned, but I'll have to see how they turn out.

I'm so happy with how Leslie's stocking turned out. Tomorrow, I'll make Josette's. Santa has already brought their presents over, but they'll have to wait till Yule to open them.

I feel so down this weekend. I am depressed because my efforts to sell on eBay lately have been really unsuccessful. Half, literally, of the time the bidder doesn't pay, and it seems like half of the items I have mailed have gotten lost. I have actually lost money so far in my efforts to sell on eBay. I haven't succeeded in raising the money to pay for my doll, Bete. If I had known it would be this difficult, I wouldn't have bought him. It wasn't the time to make a big purchase. If I could have sold my American Girl Julie, the payment would have replenished half his cost. My heart sank when I saw that the winner just had a name made of random letters and numbers, with zero feedback.Going through the non-paying bidder procedure is time-consuming, and often the next-up bidder isn't interested in the item at that point. Yet nothing happens to deter the non-paying bidder. I'm so disappointed in how eBay has changed. I have always tried to be a conscientious sel...

Last week, a potted plant fell on my BJD's memory board and them, scattering soil everywhere. Thankfully, my dolls were unharmed, even though Leslie took a blow from the pot. I picked up most of the mess but waited until this weekend to do a deeper cleaning, which required taking apart the whole display and draperies. I rearranged Josette's books a little differently. I gave her three small Lutheran books that have been in my family for generations, although Josette is Catholic. In time, I would like for her to have a rosary, a small crucifix, Catholic prayer books, a scapula, and little pictures of Jesus and the Virgin. If we go antique shopping in New Mexico this Christmas, I might be in luck, because I remember seeing those kinds of items the last time we shopped there. I have some further ideas about Josette's and Garth's characters. Garth is Josette's fiancé. They have been friends from childhood, but in adulthood, Garth has acquired some dark experiences, i...

...is bringing us so much closer. The words wouldn't stop today. Unfortunately, the paragraphs didn't break, but I'll fix them on my computer. I have been a Tumblr fiend lately. Leslie's tumblr not yet been made, and so his his posts are on the dolls' story tumblr. Even my jumble of doll writings online doesn't compare to how messy and disorganized my doll room is now. It's a disturbing disaster: naked dolls, limbs, wigs, and panties everywhere. Undoubtedly, parts of valuable doll clothing sets I have bought will now be lost in this clutter. I am doing the #dollchat tonight with Josette. I'm so excited. We'll have tea and talk in the middle of this mess of a doll room. I'll have to find her an entire shirt as the one she is wearing only has one arm. I became distracted from finishing it.

Still considering Evangeline in the future, but I feel what's right for me is to de-clutter what I have first, and I don't feel motivated to do that. It's very dispiriting to go through that room actually. I have many dolls I know I don't need that have many little pieces and ensembles I'm going to have to chase down, and I'm not going to get that much money for any of it. I cannot even get into that closet to get some things I need, for sewing or otherwise, it's craziness. I tried my Hot Looks clothes and American Girl clothes on Josette today. The Hot Looks tops work well, but the bottoms are too small. I don't know that the style suited her. Her presence is so different than my other Ha Yarn Cho. It's very difficult for me to believe it's the same doll. I have thought of comparing photos, but I feel almost touchy about it. I don't really want to think about the old Josette or the differences between the old and the new. The old Josette h...

Thinking about getting a "summer doll" again has caused me to think much harder about my collection and what I really want. I can't ignore what feels "right" and what feels "wrong" and I think doll collectors go through this a lot. Basically I love collecting Barbies, because I can buy them all the time, slowly amassing my Superstar/vintages bit by bit, without much stress if I don't have the chance to play with them right away or if they aren't what I thought, or even if I ruin them trying to fix them (which definitely happens :P). On the other end, the costly end, I cannot deny that Asian ball-jointed dolls are my ideal. Right now, I have only one, and I would like to have more. I would even like Leslie to be a different doll. It would be a frightening thing to sell him not knowing if I would truly be able to afford the new doll at some point, but change is what gives the hobby excitement, even if there is uncertainty. At the same time,...

Leslie knelt at the water’s edge and bowed his head, remaining still as pain washed over his mind like a waterfall. Cold and stinging, he endured its brutal pelting, till his face and eyes were awash in tears. “I only did what I felt was right and fair,” he whispered in the deepening dark, as weedy stalks waved tall as he by the water’s edge. “No other would touch this person, none but me—it was plain from the beginning that this rose was covered with thorns. No other seemed to consider the rose worth the thorns—but I prized it such. I took and held his friendship—breathed life into it patiently day by day, loved him—and now it is all lost.” As a duck skimmed the surface of the pond, colorful ripples spread before Leslie. “Teach me, lord, to endure this pain. I thought him worth the price—I think him worth the price. I see him alone, friendless, and clearly tangled in his thorny resolve I see pain and loneliness. This pain I sought to heal. He tolerated me for a time—then use...

    Today we . - drove around Austin all day ! - shared a margarita cupcake at Sugar Mama's - met some nice people on the sidewalk who thought he was a girl - shopped at Secret Oktober - tried to see St. Mary's Cathedral, but it was closed It is so much easier to be with Leslie when I am in ophelia-wear (Victorian/vintage/gothic). Somehow when I am dressed "normal" I feel super-awkward. My goal is one day to never be dressed normal . ! I don't even remember anything about yesterday or the day before. My memory has gotten so short. It's shortening every minute. All I remember is writing poetry in my journal in the Indian restaurant. I remember holding lace in the antique stores. I remember walking along the streets of Austin with Nathan and Leslie. Nothing else . matters . at all.

  Henry: Zzzzz. Leslie: Hey! What are you doing in my room? Henry: .   Leslie: Hey, kitty, will you let me pet you? Henry: I'm not sure about that.   Leslie: Nice kitty. Henry: Er.   Leslie: There we go. Nice kitty. Henry: {twitches}   Henry: Mommy, is he going to hurt me?   Leslie: See, this isn't so bad. Henry: No, it isn't.   Henry: Purrrr...   Henry: Zzzzz..

bjd pic - Halloween tree , originally uploaded by blacsylc . We finished the Halloween tree today! Complete with the bittersweet garland, bows, and black and orange cookie ornaments.

The cicadas chirp every afternoon now. Their sound scratches like brambles and burns like sunlight. I never thought I would share this with Leslie.   But here we are. This looks like a ball-jointed doll. It looks like the country. And it looks like me. I had to put us both in vintage jewelry. I'm obsessed.

The sun had just risen, and Rooster was crowing. We stepped outside to the porch for a little while, before I left for work.

Sweet, old pic of little Shelley in his chair. I remember how cold it was that day.