A Garden of Virtues

"The wind was hard and fast, howling against the immovable keep. Within lights glowed. Like beacons the panes of illuminated glass dazzled my eyes, so cold I thought surely they had frozen open. I knew not myself. I knew not my hands, which hung as exanimate wraiths from my arms. My clothes, dull rags, twisted around me, and it seemed they made no difference against the ice and the wind. I felt myself drawn into the warmth of the keep. I was past gratitude-nay, not past-but I knew that I had been reduced to a bestial state. I was too ashamed of myself and my imposition to look my benefactor in the face."   It was thus that we found "Caroline." I saw her in the St. Vincent de Paul resale shop and was captivated by her forlorn looks. I gathered her limp body in my arms, and Leslie and I brought her home. In the sewing room I removed her wig, dismantled her limbs, and after eyeing her stuffing decided to discard it along with the wig. I took her body pieces ap

    Today we . - drove around Austin all day ! - shared a margarita cupcake at Sugar Mama's - met some nice people on the sidewalk who thought he was a girl - shopped at Secret Oktober - tried to see St. Mary's Cathedral, but it was closed It is so much easier to be with Leslie when I am in ophelia-wear (Victorian/vintage/gothic). Somehow when I am dressed "normal" I feel super-awkward. My goal is one day to never be dressed normal . ! I don't even remember anything about yesterday or the day before. My memory has gotten so short. It's shortening every minute. All I remember is writing poetry in my journal in the Indian restaurant. I remember holding lace in the antique stores. I remember walking along the streets of Austin with Nathan and Leslie. Nothing else . matters . at all.

I have not been spending much time on my computer at all lately . not even to write my story. I have been preoccupied with studying fashions of times past, and unfortunately I have no boundaries and no particular preference. Well, that's not true. The fashions from the 1840's must be my favorite, because they sort of make me grow still and stare with awe. They are not much studied, very early Victorian and post-Regency - but the hairstyles are what I love so much. That and I associate this look with Mary Shelley and many early Romantics; in fact, it is commonly called "the Romantic look." So when online I have been collecting fashion plates and information . that is it. I have not been writing my story or even buying things from eBay really. I think this particular fashion plate is immensely stylish. The woman in the white lace waist and green skirt . well, I am going to have that outfit. I adore the look of these women. It makes me think of things like small dos