A Garden of Virtues

One of the things I wanted to do on my trip to Durango, Colorado, was to take pictures of Klaus up in the mountains. I was able to take some snowy pictures of him on Christmas morning. I haven't had time to edit all of the photos. 

"Pretty Choices Barbie" (1996) A special gift from a friend.

I purchased "Belle's Tea Party" from Target with my Christmas gift card from work. Image from Worthpoint .

I'm so happy with how Leslie's stocking turned out. Tomorrow, I'll make Josette's. Santa has already brought their presents over, but they'll have to wait till Yule to open them.

I feel so down this weekend. I am depressed because my efforts to sell on eBay lately have been really unsuccessful. Half, literally, of the time the bidder doesn't pay, and it seems like half of the items I have mailed have gotten lost. I have actually lost money so far in my efforts to sell on eBay. I haven't succeeded in raising the money to pay for my doll, Bete. If I had known it would be this difficult, I wouldn't have bought him. It wasn't the time to make a big purchase. If I could have sold my American Girl Julie, the payment would have replenished half his cost. My heart sank when I saw that the winner just had a name made of random letters and numbers, with zero feedback.Going through the non-paying bidder procedure is time-consuming, and often the next-up bidder isn't interested in the item at that point. Yet nothing happens to deter the non-paying bidder. I'm so disappointed in how eBay has changed. I have always tried to be a conscientious sel

Last week, a potted plant fell on my BJD's memory board and them, scattering soil everywhere. Thankfully, my dolls were unharmed, even though Leslie took a blow from the pot. I picked up most of the mess but waited until this weekend to do a deeper cleaning, which required taking apart the whole display and draperies. I rearranged Josette's books a little differently. I gave her three small Lutheran books that have been in my family for generations, although Josette is Catholic. In time, I would like for her to have a rosary, a small crucifix, Catholic prayer books, a scapula, and little pictures of Jesus and the Virgin. If we go antique shopping in New Mexico this Christmas, I might be in luck, because I remember seeing those kinds of items the last time we shopped there. I have some further ideas about Josette's and Garth's characters. Garth is Josette's fiancé. They have been friends from childhood, but in adulthood, Garth has acquired some dark experiences, i

Every day, every morning, your face speaks to me. You are truly alive. You even know how impatient I feel to express how I feel. I am not really capable of it.

I can't move, can't speak or breathe You must move me around as you please And if you drop me, it will hurt me, But I can't help it if I love you With my doll's heart. I'm afraid to move, afraid to speak or breathe Lest you stop loving me So I wait silently for attention, My doll's heart beats only for you, My eyes are only on you. I don't change like you do I don't grow old Hands touch this porcelain face Others gaze into these blank doll eyes That fail to understand what they see This doll mind remains unwritten in a false innocence Love me, love me I'm trapped in an unmoving porcelain form And I can't help loving you, Silent and noninterfering, A doll's face, a doll's mind, This love, yours alone. 

Just being .. , originally uploaded by blacsylc . I thought the world was over, I thought I would never again experience this kind of beauty, thought I would never again have my own BJD's. Don't know why it's so important to me but it is. I feel so very very fortunate to have them. I thought I would never wear gothic lolita again either, but the world isn't over yet, it's not over yet, apparently I'm supposed to sojourn in this scene a while longer, I haven't fleshed it out yet completely. I feel like a lot of things have passed away, I have a certain "too late" feeling attached to so many things but that in itself is growing into a powerful creative force that's sort of overwhelming me, and yeah, I love to feel overwhelmed and powerless, I love to surrender control, it's its own sort of dark nature that lurks within me, it's I guess the "gothic lolita" that is so particular to me, a doll on a shelf, and being treated that way

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Doll shelf , originally uploaded by blacsylc . This is where Josette and Leslie will normally stay, off the floor. This Dark Shadows-themed board I had begun for my first Josette. I am so glad I kept it. I would also like to make a kitchen for them, a kitchen table, and a stove or tin ice box would be dreamy. Their lemonade set is a start, with small lemon and orange trees.

Leslie's things , originally uploaded by blacsylc . Leslie requires a bureau of his own for his nature study objects. In the wooden box he has vintage tripod lenses and underneath the orange kitty are his "sun prints" sort of a pre-photography invention/pastime. He once had a microscope but I was cut on its broken parts and threw it away, it kind of ruined the fun for me. :/ I hope to find him another better one someday. In the basket are their toys. I would love to find them a proper toy box instead.

Josette's red dress , originally uploaded by blacsylc . This was the first outfit I made for my first Josette, I'm so glad I kept it. It's very crude I know but it has sentimental value.

Josette's dressing room , originally uploaded by blacsylc . I spent most of today re-organizing my doll/sewing room. I have been wanting to make an environment for my bjd's and have finally done so. Tomorrow while it's light outside I will try making some videos. This portion is Josette's dressing room. Doing this gave me some great ideas for things I want to buy now. If only the antique store were still open. I always want to buy doll props but never know exactly what I need. I do need a vanity table, stool and mirror for her makeup, and I also want to get some small antique perfume bottles.

...is bringing us so much closer. The words wouldn't stop today. Unfortunately, the paragraphs didn't break, but I'll fix them on my computer. I have been a Tumblr fiend lately. Leslie's tumblr not yet been made, and so his his posts are on the dolls' story tumblr. Even my jumble of doll writings online doesn't compare to how messy and disorganized my doll room is now. It's a disturbing disaster: naked dolls, limbs, wigs, and panties everywhere. Undoubtedly, parts of valuable doll clothing sets I have bought will now be lost in this clutter. I am doing the #dollchat tonight with Josette. I'm so excited. We'll have tea and talk in the middle of this mess of a doll room. I'll have to find her an entire shirt as the one she is wearing only has one arm. I became distracted from finishing it.

I thought today about why and how I collect my dolls. Here are some of my ideas. My last several doll purchases have been nude or TLC vintage dolls. I want to feel a doll is arriving to me for me to interact with her in some way, whether making her clothing or fixing her hair or face. If a doll is "complete" I just don't feel that same need. For me making doll clothing is about connecting with my doll. I love to see dolls wearing things their owners made on any level of skill. It makes a doll look loved by and connected to her owner. For this reason I have only been pursuing nude dolls. I have been unable to find a nude Evangeline for a price I'm okay with paying, so I have held off. As far as price I have levels I feel comfortable about. Even though I'd really love to have Dannie and Garth, my future (hopefully) Dollmore models, I put a lot of expense into Josette and want to hold back on any BJD purchases for a while. My focuses are BJD's and vintage Barbie

I'm really excited to purchase my first Tonner doll, Alice Cullen. I decided I would like to collect the Twilight dolls because I'm so interested in the series as a sort of point of reference in modern culture, its contrasts to other vampire or romance stories. I am reading Eclipse now. I like the pared-down, unpretentious styles of the characters, and I really look forward to sewing for my Alice. Plus, I had a really tough weekend and I needed a new doll. Help me feel better, Alice. <3

Okay I decided (though it may be a fight with autocorrect) that my first Evangeline and Mortimer will be Rosselle and Kaspar and I want the pair, I'm going to wait until I have enough money to pay for both, and I am going to play with them seriously, I want to do pretty fairy-like tattoos on Rosselle, who I see as Marie Antoinette inspired, and Kaspar is Nordic metal inspired, particularly Kamelot. I would do some cute tattoos on Kaspar also, hopefully some Nordic symbols. Changeable wig for Rosselle, and I particularly want to change her eyelashes for lime green or violet.

Still considering Evangeline in the future, but I feel what's right for me is to de-clutter what I have first, and I don't feel motivated to do that. It's very dispiriting to go through that room actually. I have many dolls I know I don't need that have many little pieces and ensembles I'm going to have to chase down, and I'm not going to get that much money for any of it. I cannot even get into that closet to get some things I need, for sewing or otherwise, it's craziness. I tried my Hot Looks clothes and American Girl clothes on Josette today. The Hot Looks tops work well, but the bottoms are too small. I don't know that the style suited her. Her presence is so different than my other Ha Yarn Cho. It's very difficult for me to believe it's the same doll. I have thought of comparing photos, but I feel almost touchy about it. I don't really want to think about the old Josette or the differences between the old and the new. The old Josette h

Through this film of darkness covering my gaze and all that I see my thoughts are all for you What am I, who am I, that I long for the sheltering gloom of that dark place why, when I am lonely, can I not seek the companionship of others Why do I go where I am not wanted Why am I peaceful where I am not comfortable? I feel it would be the joy of my life to please you just once But again and again I disappoint Just when it is most crucial to succeed I make my slip And am fated always to be lackluster in your eyes Why when I am separated from that place Do my thoughts turn toward it again and again That dark and lonely morgue? Just when I think I may have won your approval You remind me that I am unwanted Just when I think you might open the door I find it locked against me You shut me out and leave me with my own scattered thoughts It seems like I belong with you Or at least I don't belong anywhere else Won't you please give me a chance?  

I am sitting by the window watching the rain fall over the fields like a gray mantle. It is in tune with my spirits, and I wish the tears could fall so easily from my eyes. My small red canary Cerise is singing as though his heart would break. He loves this rain that is falling after months of drought. I wish Cerise would let me hold him, but he is averse to my touch. After months he is still terrified when I reach inside of his cage to replenish his food or water. I feel so sad and alone. On days like these I long for even a single memory of Mortimer's regard or kindness. I know he does not think of me, but if he knew the depth of my feelings for him, would he be able to remain unmoved? I think I hear the sounds of wheels on gravel outside, but how can it be? * I couldn't believe my eyes as I looked out the window and saw the Morts' carriage. My heart skipped a beat, then two beats, as I saw the tall, straight figure of Mr. Mort emerge in the gloom and advance toward my ho

The sky is gray and balmy, promising much-needed rain. The ground is dry and hard beneath dead yellow grass leaves. It is too late, though: one evening of rain will not revitalize the earth. The grass will have to re-grow from seed. I watch from my window as clouds gather. There is a pot of tea near my elbow as I always brew a pot of tea after work. I always drink black tea with no sugar or cream in it, in the morning, and when I come home from work. My tea pot is very old with hairline cracks that my ancestors sealed with gold, as the Japanese tea masters do. The design on the pot is of delicately drawn birds of paradise with long, flourishing tails. The matching cups and saucers have similar exotic paintings and are similarly repaired with gold seal. Summer is usually my favorite season. Even though I have no vacation to take, I love to think of children playing, I think of the summers of my childhood I spent to myself dreaming and writing, and when I started a new school session, I

Little doll on a shelf Saying nothing Still and silent Is this how it's meant to be Where's your voice Where's your breath As you sit quietly Existing in a dim expanse Who closed these lips with coral paint Why are your cheeks so bisque-pale Who do you wait for, little doll To whisper in your shell ear Skirts so silken Shoes so polished Not a ruffle out of place Curls that frame a bisque-pale face Who looks into your blue eyes, little doll Who holds you close and dear Who allays your darkest fears While other people look on Exquisite love, forbidden thoughts Is this how it's meant to be For a girl to become a doll Is this what you're meant to be?

Thinking about getting a "summer doll" again has caused me to think much harder about my collection and what I really want. I can't ignore what feels "right" and what feels "wrong" and I think doll collectors go through this a lot. Basically I love collecting Barbies, because I can buy them all the time, slowly amassing my Superstar/vintages bit by bit, without much stress if I don't have the chance to play with them right away or if they aren't what I thought, or even if I ruin them trying to fix them (which definitely happens :P). On the other end, the costly end, I cannot deny that Asian ball-jointed dolls are my ideal. Right now, I have only one, and I would like to have more. I would even like Leslie to be a different doll. It would be a frightening thing to sell him not knowing if I would truly be able to afford the new doll at some point, but change is what gives the hobby excitement, even if there is uncertainty. At the same time,

Lady Lovelylocks finds this vintage doily does very well for a shawl as she takes a warm evening stroll in autumn. I just rescued these from my old computer, which I rather abandoned once I purchased the Mac. I am finding lots of fun old photos to share. :)

Leslie knelt at the water’s edge and bowed his head, remaining still as pain washed over his mind like a waterfall. Cold and stinging, he endured its brutal pelting, till his face and eyes were awash in tears. “I only did what I felt was right and fair,” he whispered in the deepening dark, as weedy stalks waved tall as he by the water’s edge. “No other would touch this person, none but me—it was plain from the beginning that this rose was covered with thorns. No other seemed to consider the rose worth the thorns—but I prized it such. I took and held his friendship—breathed life into it patiently day by day, loved him—and now it is all lost.” As a duck skimmed the surface of the pond, colorful ripples spread before Leslie. “Teach me, lord, to endure this pain. I thought him worth the price—I think him worth the price. I see him alone, friendless, and clearly tangled in his thorny resolve I see pain and loneliness. This pain I sought to heal. He tolerated me for a time—then use

Who is the summer doll going to be??? The new addition to my endless-summer world? This has been a tradition since I started collecting dolls in junior high school, though I have let it fall by the wayside, **not** purchasing a summer doll for some years, and purchasing **more** than one on others. What is a summer doll?? She or he is a new doll, an expensive doll, a pretty piece, a plaything that makes me feel a little weak from its beauty, something that gives me that special sense of deliciousness that only a beautiful new doll can do. When I first started my collection, there was not eBay, and I had not really discovered the world of vintage dolls (my childhood was just over, and I felt no need to collect play dolls). My prizes were expensive, exquisite porcelain dolls, and later, the unparalleled resin ball-jointed dolls. Throughout every year I purchase many dolls, but they are used/old/fixer-upper, in varying degrees. They are not the same as the exquisite doll that come

This nameless creature sweet and frivolous whispers in my mind. She knows naught but laughter, perfume and bows.

Stuffies for Leslie and Josette , originally uploaded by blacsylc . Josette and Leslie loved the toys I made.

It was 1940 ... Before Josette came to the Beast's castle, she was a nurse. Though isolated from the world by the Beast's enchanted forest, Josette still heard of the war beyond his kingdom's boundaries, and her heart ached. The Beast knew Josette longed to aid in the war effort as she had before she had come to him to save her father's life. He allowed Josette to leave for Paris to work in the hospital as long as she promised to return to him. Little did he suspect how torn Josette felt at the thought of leaving him. She knew her life would be in danger, and that she might never see him again. The fact that he was willing to allow her to break her promise to serve as a nurse for a time gave her even more reason to care about him.

You can watch Josette's story here  through Twitter.

Pauvre Josette , originally uploaded by blacsylc . Yards and yards of antique lace to help clothe my poor Josette, who still has not an outfit.

Sweet pretty girl ... , originally uploaded by blacsylc . I went to the antique mall after all and in addition to buying reams of antique French lace for ma petite Josette, I found this darling. She's a Horseman doll from the 1960s, quite at home in my growing collection of 1960s vinyl dolls. But she is different and darling from the others. The lady checking me out at the Kennedale antique mall was quite enchanted with her also. ;)

I try to keep the majority a secret, but when it comes to my very old dolls, there seems nothing less suitable than to put them where others can see them. They have languished for so long, and they were destined to be in this old farmhouse, in the dank and shadowed hallway which feels like the hallway in the house of a grandmother I never had. Prince Hamlet nailed up my shelf yesterday, enabling me to display Schneewittchen, Marguerite and Violette as I have for so long desired. In addition he gave me a rack to display my excess of vintage aprons. I hope this decorating will comprise most of my day. Expect many dark and grainy photos.

It is indeed possible. I am enjoying my peach latte while browsing Victoria magazine's web site. I feel so spoiled having this magazine back into publication. When I renewed my subscription today I also bought a subscription to Tea Time magazine. In addition I am downloading beautiful antique plates to print and have just purchased Enchanted April to re-read on my EReader. I have been thinking of it and missing it lately. Perhaps it will take me back to those summer days before life became so complicated, when I was fifteen and looking out over Elkins Lake as I read this book by the pool.

Rebodied, rewigged Caroline is trying lolita fashion. I think she makes a very unusual lolita. I love her pallor. She reminds me of fashion plates from the 1840s.

Fastened in the frame of her gilt dressing mirror, an aging corsage, a shriveled carnation fragile as paper and gray with dust bound in tulle and frayed ribbons. Hand in gloved hand on a garden walk in moonlight, air redolent with the scent of lilies A heady, waxy, funereal perfume, it was all known for the first time. Filmy stockings and heavy canvas girdle flung over the back of her dressing table chair, a hasty and disordered undressing, somehow there's no longer time to hang the clothing properly. She glares at her reflection over a green stoneware cup of strong coffee. She lifts her well-loved tube of coral-orange lipstick to the light, a profound fallacy against her ruddy, sleepless skin and worried pallor. A candle is burning down to the quick. At night by flickering light she writes letters to the same people who have replaced themselves completely in ten years. "We are all strangers. Pierre, even you."

I have noticed Dianna Effner has designed some vinyl bjd's that recall her storybook collection dolls from twenty years ago. I still have the outfit from my Goldilocks, though I ruined the doll long ago. I have been thinking of getting the bjd, which looks like a similar face mold. If there were one artist I would have liked to design bjd's, it is her. I am less excited because they are vinyl and because the eyes are painted rather than inset. Ashton Drake has been putting out a great number of vinyl bjd's. Some of them I have really liked. In addition to Effner's I admire the Indian maidens, whose faces have the sweetness I want for my collection. I am always looking for more project-oriented dolls that I can design or cross stitch for, and with my interest in New Mexican design I would strongly consider one or more of those. I wonder when the Franklin Mint will do a bjd. I was a little surprised that their Kate Middleton is just the standard 16" fashion doll. My