I thought the world was over, I thought I would never again experience this kind of beauty, thought I would never again have my own BJD's. Don't know why it's so important to me but it is. I feel so very very fortunate to have them.
I thought I would never wear gothic lolita again either, but the world isn't over yet, it's not over yet, apparently I'm supposed to sojourn in this scene a while longer, I haven't fleshed it out yet completely.
I feel like a lot of things have passed away, I have a certain "too late" feeling attached to so many things but that in itself is growing into a powerful creative force that's sort of overwhelming me, and yeah, I love to feel overwhelmed and powerless, I love to surrender control, it's its own sort of dark nature that lurks within me, it's I guess the "gothic lolita" that is so particular to me, a doll on a shelf, and being treated that way is a very dark desire of mine.
I can't believe it. It looks like the rusted gates to The Garden of Virtues are going to be laboriously parted by small articulated resin hands after all once more. I am glad that I am buying Lanie's Angel, but I am also a little sad. I remember disposing of Dresden along with my other dolls. I was in a vicious rage. I hesitated over Dresden's prone form, thinking, goodness, even I don't think of her as a BJD, is this really necessary? And then, blindly, cutting the strings. I can't believe I am actually talking about this now. I have not talked about it before. I regretted losing her afterward, because I did not really need to part with her. She was a sweet, special presence, a little woman. I have kept all of her eyes, wigs and clothes. Of course I will never forget the moments in which I divested all of my BJD's of their clothing, wigs and eyes. The other day Henry came around with a little velcro he had found and I grew faint, knowing that it had come fro
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