My disappointed Madonna

I don't dream about you at night anymore.

I have sold that dress, that wig, that cross you wore. But you are still with me. You weren't in your clothes or belongings.

I think about you now, as I think about myself. Realizing what would be obvious to anyone else. That I am not happy-go-lucky. I think about how a character in Enchanted April was referred to as a "disappointed Madonna." That is sort of how I feel. I try to be nice, but it didn't all work out.

These were the last photos I took of you. In fact it was practically the last time I even saw you, before everything went hell-bound. I was starting to get your look right. It comes through in the photos. For the first time, you looked alive.

I didn't have to do it. I don't have to do it now. I have the money and the means.

I can't even say it though. It doesn't seem right to pay money for you, or have you. I don't understand it.

I'm just remembering. It's not what I want to encourage, this dark melancholy. If I don't encourage it, it only takes over a portion of my life.

It's not what I want to be about. I'm fighting to be free. But I don't know what I'm fighting.

Comments

Fanchon

I can't believe it. It looks like the rusted gates to The Garden of Virtues are going to be laboriously parted by small articulated resin hands after all once more. I am glad that I am buying Lanie's Angel, but I am also a little sad. I remember disposing of Dresden along with my other dolls. I was in a vicious rage. I hesitated over Dresden's prone form, thinking, goodness, even I don't think of her as a BJD, is this really necessary? And then, blindly, cutting the strings. I can't believe I am actually talking about this now. I have not talked about it before. I regretted losing her afterward, because I did not really need to part with her. She was a sweet, special presence, a little woman. I have kept all of her eyes, wigs and clothes. Of course I will never forget the moments in which I divested all of my BJD's of their clothing, wigs and eyes. The other day Henry came around with a little velcro he had found and I grew faint, knowing that it had come fro...

Paper doll copying, digital editing project

1 bjd pic daily - Fish n' Chips

1 bjd pic daily - Fish n' Chips , originally uploaded by blacsylc . This is Leslie's pal Fish n' Chips. As I clear out space Leslie's room is starting to take shape. I am so excited. I have been carrying around ideas for his room for a while.

A Garden of Virtues

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