A Garden of Virtues

I'm so happy with how Leslie's stocking turned out. Tomorrow, I'll make Josette's. Santa has already brought their presents over, but they'll have to wait till Yule to open them.

I feel so down this weekend. I am depressed because my efforts to sell on eBay lately have been really unsuccessful. Half, literally, of the time the bidder doesn't pay, and it seems like half of the items I have mailed have gotten lost. I have actually lost money so far in my efforts to sell on eBay. I haven't succeeded in raising the money to pay for my doll, Bete. If I had known it would be this difficult, I wouldn't have bought him. It wasn't the time to make a big purchase. If I could have sold my American Girl Julie, the payment would have replenished half his cost. My heart sank when I saw that the winner just had a name made of random letters and numbers, with zero feedback.Going through the non-paying bidder procedure is time-consuming, and often the next-up bidder isn't interested in the item at that point. Yet nothing happens to deter the non-paying bidder. I'm so disappointed in how eBay has changed. I have always tried to be a conscientious sel...

Last week, a potted plant fell on my BJD's memory board and them, scattering soil everywhere. Thankfully, my dolls were unharmed, even though Leslie took a blow from the pot. I picked up most of the mess but waited until this weekend to do a deeper cleaning, which required taking apart the whole display and draperies. I rearranged Josette's books a little differently. I gave her three small Lutheran books that have been in my family for generations, although Josette is Catholic. In time, I would like for her to have a rosary, a small crucifix, Catholic prayer books, a scapula, and little pictures of Jesus and the Virgin. If we go antique shopping in New Mexico this Christmas, I might be in luck, because I remember seeing those kinds of items the last time we shopped there. I have some further ideas about Josette's and Garth's characters. Garth is Josette's fiancé. They have been friends from childhood, but in adulthood, Garth has acquired some dark experiences, i...

Every day, every morning, your face speaks to me. You are truly alive. You even know how impatient I feel to express how I feel. I am not really capable of it.

I can't move, can't speak or breathe You must move me around as you please And if you drop me, it will hurt me, But I can't help it if I love you With my doll's heart. I'm afraid to move, afraid to speak or breathe Lest you stop loving me So I wait silently for attention, My doll's heart beats only for you, My eyes are only on you. I don't change like you do I don't grow old Hands touch this porcelain face Others gaze into these blank doll eyes That fail to understand what they see This doll mind remains unwritten in a false innocence Love me, love me I'm trapped in an unmoving porcelain form And I can't help loving you, Silent and noninterfering, A doll's face, a doll's mind, This love, yours alone. 

Just being .. , originally uploaded by blacsylc . I thought the world was over, I thought I would never again experience this kind of beauty, thought I would never again have my own BJD's. Don't know why it's so important to me but it is. I feel so very very fortunate to have them. I thought I would never wear gothic lolita again either, but the world isn't over yet, it's not over yet, apparently I'm supposed to sojourn in this scene a while longer, I haven't fleshed it out yet completely. I feel like a lot of things have passed away, I have a certain "too late" feeling attached to so many things but that in itself is growing into a powerful creative force that's sort of overwhelming me, and yeah, I love to feel overwhelmed and powerless, I love to surrender control, it's its own sort of dark nature that lurks within me, it's I guess the "gothic lolita" that is so particular to me, a doll on a shelf, and being treated that way...

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