A Garden of Virtues

  { Her Grandmother's Dress }   { Finishing Touch }   { Autumn Reflection }

Right now I have Spring Promise, Bonnie and Day Dream for sale. Bonnie is doing very well, and the others have some watchers, and I am hopeful for them. I have found I really like selling things. I have been thinking a great deal about what kind of things I could make to sell for dolls, and what kind of vibe I would like my store to have. It will be months before I run out of things to sell as it is now. I have 21 dolls total to sell, possibly 22, leaving me with 3, perhaps 4. I have been very feeling very perfectionist, wanting my collection to conform as closely as possible to my ideal. This weekend I will be preparing listings for Summer Dream, Autumn Reflection and Ginny.

View my eBay listing here . "Spring Promise," a 21" porcelain doll sculpted by artist Sandra Bilotto, was released from the Ashton Drake Galleries in 1997. The edition for this doll ended in 2000. "Spring Promise" has a porcelain head, hands, legs and bosom with a firmly-stuffed cloth body, synthetic wig in original styling, and comes with her original bouquet, veil, stand and Certificate of Authenticity. Her original box from the Ashton Drake Galleries is not available. "Spring Promise" has been in my collection since my mother purchased her in 1997 from Ashton Drake. She has been carefully posed and displayed intermittently for the past 12 years in a non-smoking home. I have pet cats and birds, but they have only been in the general vicinity of this doll. Sandra Bilotto is a talented doll artist who approaches her dolls as living beings. Her dolls have unique, life-like features and speaking eyes. "Spring Promise" has a unique Nordi...

View my eBay listing here . "Day Dream" is a 17" porcelain doll designed by artist Tom Francirek for Paradise Galleries. She was purchased directly from Paradise Galleries in 2004 and has been displayed intermittently in my non-smoking home. I have pet cats and birds, but they have only been in the general vicinity of this doll. "Day Dream" is part of the "Opposite Reflections" collection. She has porcelain shoulders and bosom and separately set porcelain head which can turn. Her legs and hands are also porcelain. Her wig and wings are synthetic. Her flower-detailed costume is overlaid with pale blue tulle and delicate lace. Pastel-colored flowers and ribbons adorn her natural blond hair, braided at the crown. Her face is painted with fantasy-pink eyeshadow and natural cheek and lip color. "Day Dream" comes with velcro-attached synthetic glittered butterfly wings, a lace flower-adorned choker, and a silver-wrapped staff decorated with ...

View my eBay listing here . Bonnie the Beautiful Bride is a 25" vinyl doll from the Deluxe Reading Company produced between the 1950's-1960's. I bought her secondhand a year ago, and she has since been displayed in my non-smoking home in a display case. I have pet cats and birds, but they have only been in the general vicinity of this doll. Bonnie wears an exquisite vintage bridal ensemble in ivory lace and tulle over a hoopskirt and panties. Her "fingerless" gloves, veil and bouquet are of the same lace and ivory color as her gown.    Bonnie has strawberry-blonde rooted hair and green eyes which open and close. Her arm and leg joints move but are slightly stiff with age.     Bonnie and her ensemble are in flawless vintage condition as far as I can tell. She comes with gown, hoopskirt and matching veil, bouquet and gloves, panties and plastic high-heel sandals. She will come in her original box, which is not in mint condition, but worn with age and marked ...

I scored my first McDonalds happy meal American Girl book. It's awesome! There are paper dolls, activities, a little story. I love the American Girls more than ever now.

Something I've been heartsick over lately is missing BJD conventions. I attended the Austin convention in '06 and '07, missing '08, and apparently there was none this year. Selfishly I'm glad, it would have hurt to miss another one. I really miss connecting with other people over dolls. I miss the spirit of fun that reigned over the conventions, shedding my business outfits for clothing much more youthful and summer-y, packing up all my dolls and their accessories, and all of us going on a magical road trip to Austin - one of my absolute favorite places in the world. The late-night shopping sprees, tiptoeing from hotel room to hotel room with my dolls in hand to look at accessories, meet vendors and other people, and taking the occasional rest in the room reserved for refreshments, getting a lil glass of wine, talking to the really nice ladies that always hung out there. It was so fun. When I used my tote bags for summer vacation it all came back to me - with some ...

As I watched over my familiar tree-tops the last of this day's light faded away, leaving me with a lingering sadness. As I sat quietly in the growing darkness I felt the world was falling away from me, growing cold and remote. I'm afraid of the darkness, where shapes move in the corner of my mind, whispers drift. Memories apart from me stir to an invisible draft from an unknown window, and as the light fails, my mind's eye sharpens. I begin to see figures in the dimness.   Amanda: What's going on? Are you all right? Why are you wearing that dress?   I can't find any of my clothes. You have them packed away for the move. I really like this gown, though. You're not selling it, are you? Amanda: Of course not. I'm glad you like it. FYI it's a replica of Princess Grace's engagement ball gown. Huh! I feel like a princess wearing it. Amanda: I have a little something for you. It's not much because I'm on a budget now. *gasp* Did the Moniqu...

Also, check out this angel auction! I thought I was reading someone's journal. Wow. I thought she was selling her own beloved angel and felt sad, but apparently it doesn't belong to anyone yet. I saw a broken angel Karen once for $20 - if I ever see another one, I'm swooping down. This doll depicted is the same as Dresden though. it made me sad, especially when she was talking about the articulation. Fanny has been articulated by me, and she's terrible. I added some pipe cleaners to keep her limbs from flying all over the place. I'm so sorry, Fanny! I wonder if I can pay someone to string and wire her properly. I have never seen a doll for sale like Fanny though! I don't know what face type she has. It's definitely not the Karen/Selina. I don't recognize it from the other two originals, or from the new collection.

Doll funds - $94 (+$20 = $114) Doll expenses - $42 Remaining doll funds - $52 ($72) Wist list - Monique "Paris" 5/6 wig Various eye colors for Fanchon, 8mm flat-backed eyes Madame Alexander 1940's bride Purchased a long, long straight red, red with center part for Fanchon from the Monique Gold Collection. Those wigs are like. cupcakes. to me. If I were a doll, I would swoon in a Monique Gold Collection wig. The hair is soft as a chick's down --  I know that from my childhood chicks. I also purchased the oval-type acrylic eyes for Fanchon. I was so, so excited that they carried them in her size. They have been difficult to find. The color I got was golden-green-blue. The thought of her in her new hair and eyes with her freckles and pale lips is enough to make me swoon. It's time to get Fanchon some pretty new things selected especially for her . The Madame Alexander dolls are. really expensive. The ones I like either have reserve prices or have been bid...

  I have the house all to myself these days. How quiet it all is! I leap at my own shadow. I anticipated peace and quiet, curling up in the rocker with the poetry of Percy Bysshe Shelley introduced to me by the mistress. It came to me, in a breath of wind down through the chimney like a whisper from the past, that this house was not always so quiet. There is a sense of tragedy here. I climbed from the rocker and traversed into the bedroom. I felt cold and shaky from my daring, knowing that my lady would never approve of my doings. The mistress is very secretive about certain things. In my lady's bedroom is an antique cupboard half-rusted shut. She has told me that once we are moved she will make it my apartment. It is just my size, the top shelf ideal for my bunk, the middle shelf for my things and the bottom fits my cast-iron stove and other furnishings. However my lady has never actually shown me my apartment or fitted me in the bunk. It is to be my own soon. Surely it is n...

Today I sewed a wrap-around skirt from start to finish. At least the package didn't say anything about it being a two-hour project. It took me all day. After dinner I sat and hand-stitched the hem. I love it! For the first time, I truly love one of my projects. It is a full skirt made in lustrous metallic-shot pink fabric, the pattern from the 1970's. I bought it with the intention of making this skirt and also a doll princess dress. However I may have enough to make another dress for myself before starting on the doll clothes. Violette has been very quiet today. I must say that I think she looks fetching in her new underthings. They've grown on me. I was a little sore yesterday about them not turning out the way I wanted. In addition, I made another sale, possibly two, giving a possible $80 to my doll fund. What should I do with this money? My mind has been working at it all morning. I don't really want to buy clothes for my dolls anymore, because it just isn't f...

I spent all day making these! I guess I shouldn't admit that. Oh, my gosh, Violette, do you have any idea how I toiled for you? I burned my finger on the iron while pleating the yellow lace, I sewed the wrong side to the right side, I had to re-make the drawers entirely after cutting them down too short at the crotch. Violette is 14" high and this pattern was made for a 14" doll, so why was it so huge? Was there something wrong with me for believing that I could make Violette clothes from this pattern? Well, reader, I was very frustrated. I am not a good doll seamstress, and I toil because it makes me feel tender to see my dollies wearing clothes I have made for them.    I like the color combination I picked in truth. The yellow lace and beige fabric actually matches her coloring well.   I think my pleating idea executed well. My intention was to try to learn to make doll clothing from scrap fabrics and trim, giving them a certain randomness. However what I wanted...

Amanda's day . . . We slept in a little while. I made a pot of coffee from the Southern Pecan I brought with us and drank it throughout the day. After I had seen Nathan off, I started on my sewing. I hemmed six napkins while I watched Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park. It was heaven to sew in a leisurely way while watching intermittently. I am watching the BBC movies, and I love the costumes. The fabrics and trim are so gorgeous as are the colors and textures. I grew restless and wanted to work on something clothes-related, so I cut out a bonnet and apron pattern from those I brought and placed patterns on fabrc and thought for a good while but haven't cut out anything for the bonnet yet. It is so wonderful to be able to work without worrying about the time, about going to bed or getting things ready for work the next day. This is the most wonderful vacation I can imagine. I cut out some pieces for a chemise and bloomers for Violette. I think they will be adorable, and I...

I am sorry sometimes that I have closed my membership in the companion doll group. I tried for a long time to keep up with emails, but lately I have faced the reality that my time is limited, and I really have to make the most of what I have. Because of this I lost track of Eve's journal, and I was very sad about that. Elisa's relationship with Lili Marleen long ago, and the journal where she recorded their times and images together was like the north star to me for so long. I loved her beautiful journal, and all the journals since. So it was with pleasure that I found her new journals, dedicated to Eve and her other dolls. Chantilly Lace is shamefully poor on blogrolls and links, but perhaps this week I will have the chance to correct that and put those new links up. I must admit I love not only Eve but her rather romantic looking boy Noah. Even though I have no money for a large male doll now I have so many ideas for bringing a boy doll into the country, showing him the worki...

As my husband and I drive toward New Orleans our car is packed with an enormous amount of luggage, not only our clothing, but a week's worth of sewing and cooking projects for myself while he is in conference, and two gothic and lolita frocks. This week I am free to live out some of the fantasies embodied in Chantilly Lace, and I would like to begin my journey in the oldest and most gothic and romantic city I have known. Violette is traveling in my purse. I love that her eyes open and close as they do. That is far more enchanting to me than taking out her eyes and putting in others. I feel a little worried about damaging her original hair or clothes, and I keep telling myself to relax. She has survived intact for over forty years. I can always comb her hair and wash her vinyl. Unlike resin, her composition is quite indestructible. I have been too busy over the past few weeks to do anything with my new small charge, and I decided only in the last day or two to bring her with me. I f...

  I have been reading this remarkable hand-made poetry book sent to Amanda by a very kind friend. I am captivated by the poetry selections and long to discover the kind of life these words embody. A life of freedom, and of love. I am just a little doll who sits in a rocking chair, but my heart is filled with dreams.

Like Heathcliff, he returns. In black, like a hero, or a villain. Boyish blonde locks fall from a radiant countenance. His eyes are clear blue, his skin pale as snow. From his broadened shoulders falls a black cloak of a fine weight. His person is not inconsequential, his gaze is unreadable. There is determination in his features, perhaps even vengeance. He strides through the garden. Perhaps never before was there such a large footprint on the summerhouse's snow-covered steps. Frost encircles the fine details of the black fence. A rose lies near his booted foot, impossibly pink and lovely in the airless chill, frozen as though under glass.

  This is the photo cube where I take most of my doll pictures. Henry is constantly trying to invade the place. Here, he crawled in seconds after I left and pulled down the backdrop, crumpled the mattings. Luckily I had Fanny safely out of there.

I won a Madame Alexander Wendy doll this weekend. I'm so excited. When I saw how beautiful she was in the auction photos I got obsessed. She will fit in Chantilly Lace so well I had to find a way, so I put some things up for sale. She is 14" tall with caramel-colored hair in the original style. I have never been interested in Madame Alexander dolls before, but now I'm fascinated.

Here is the first of my yard sale on Den of Angels. I haven't put up everything yet, just some things to get me by. I am hoping to make a couple sales before a certain auction ends so that I can buy a darling doll. http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?p=4932894#post4932894

I am making a yard sale in Chantilly Lace right now. I am imagining clotheslines with pinned vintage clothing flapping in the breeze, and card tables covered with old tablecloths and scattered with my wares. I would love to make enough money from my sale to buy ... ? I don't know quite what I want to buy, but I have had a serious craving for a new doll this weekend. It was enough to make me start making a sales page and putting everything on it, including my Dollmore Model things. I have decided I don't want another Dollmore Model. There is a lot to be said for deciding something like that for myself, and I feel peace and certainty about it. I have to write about this as I do it. It's so hard. I fell out of love with Josette, but as I see these pictures of Ophelia I can feel her spirit. She was a lot like my mom's cat Bella. I sensed she didn't care much about me one way or the other. She was her own self-contained person. But she loved that camouflage outfit so...

Fanchon wore Franklin Mint's Jackie Kennedy peach dress and accessories and her own denim mules and posed amidst various vintage fabrics. I think she looks like a peach daiquiri personified. Taking these photos in an artificial environment in summer reminded me of quiet days at my grandparents' in the summer when I would make a beach indoors with beach towels and chaise lounges and drag all the lamps into one place to make it very bright. Then I would put on my swim suit and "bask" in the sun. I made a video slideshow of Fanchon in this dress since I am learning to use Sony Vegas software for longer and hopefully more complicated slideshows and videos. I am torn as to whether I should share it, because I know it is flawed. The song is one of my favorites, "The Ghost Woman and the Hunter," by Lacuna Coil. Watch the video "La peche" >>

The day before yesterday I spent all evening learning to use Sony Vegas. I love software, especially when I can make things with it. Vegas is very complicated for me. It makes my head hurt trying to understand all the different dimensions that go into editing video, but I really like that I can control every aspect. I have really wanted to make a doll video. I used pictures from my first shoot with Fanchon to make a very brief slideshow, and that was instructive. It gave me a great idea for my next photo shoot. Right now I am keeping the cube set up in the project room. Is it any wonder why I don't take more doll photos? My cat is hell bent on entering the cube. I spent several minutes last night carefully sealing the Velcro around the front end, because if there is the slightest ripple, he will pick his way in, which is a disaster. He gets hair on my background, wrinkles it, not to mention what he will do to poor Fanchon. He has maimed his share of dolls in our home. In addition m...

I will return. I just thought of the name that could be Josette's journal. The vintage fragrance. How divine. I decided there was no longer a need to be stubborn or retarded. Usually the best way to get what you want is to go to and ask directly. In this case I got about 80% of the way there. Like everything else nowadays, it's up in the air, but I feel really good that I affirmed something was important to me, that my feelings and wants mattered. I think what I really learned through my dreams is that Josette was a doll, not a character contained in my mind, and I want the doll, that doll, and that's a real feeling. What I did and do now is crazy by some standards, but I am ready to live with that. This last week I felt something really supernatural and it kind of pushed me over the edge into certainty. I was doing good this weekend until I thought of Je Reviens, and now I feel anxious. A.S., thank you for the goodness you send. I appreciate your well wishes deeply.

Nathan has had bad allergies lately. Yesterday we went to Coffee Haus and sat outside for about an hour. It was absolutely blissful, but he was affected by the time we got home and went to bed immediately, leaving me to roam around boredly in the dawn of my weekend-days. I did some thinking of what to do next for Fanchon. I haven't done any more photos for her, because I have wanted to give her a gothic look, and I haven't known quite what I wanted to do. I read through Gothic Beauty, then randomly remembered my Beast, and pulled him out of a box and put him next to Fanchon. I had intended to do a BatB story with Isabeau, but she will probably be sold (Item #2) soon, so I don't want to get attached. Fanchon is a little taller than Beast, but so much smaller in every other way, they look okay together. I was trying to decide today how long I have had Beast. His tag is ©1992, but I know I bought him a couple years after the movie came out. I remember buying him at Wal-mar...

Please note, this journal will be now located at the address: http://www.winter-light.net/ChantillyLace/Journal/ . Thanks!

["I was an angel once" photo placeholder] As the New York sunset disappeared I found an empty garden Among the flagstones there Who lived here? He must have been a gardener who cared a lot. Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop. And now it all looks strange. It's funny how one insect can damage so much grain. "Empty Garden," Elton John, Bernie Taupin My baby would have been four today. Perhaps that's why I started thinking of him so much. Here  was his birthday post last year. Four years ago, one year ago, so very different, what can I say? One year from now, so very different? Thanks for your comments, A. S. I'm on my Treo and have to respond to you this way. I'm sorry. I appreciate your love and understanding. For some reason I am really feeling lost without my little blondie lately, and you really understand. Yes, I had made the Geocities page for him. His Empty Garden site should be finished soon, but who knows...

I don't know how to make anyone understand. I have to be with him again. I dreamed about him again last night, and this was the first dream where he was alive, but I already knew all of his movements, his voice. A doll, alive, but when first waking it was very clear to me, while already the memory has faded considerably. I made a mini-site for Johnny, a kind of subsite to the doll memorial site I am working on called A Garden of Virtues. Johnny's site is called Empty Garden, which was the song that inspired his name. Many of my themed photos for him were equally morose. I did a shoot around a poem I had memorized from my great uncle's grave: "If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane, I'd climb up to Heaven to bring you home again," something like that. Anyway, I have thought of some ways to bring him home again. I feel frustrated because it will take a long time. The timing is not right at all. I tried to talk to my husband about my dream, and...

Welcome to my world, Fanchon, almost. I spent Easter weekend cleaning, sanding and sueding Fanchon and on Sunday strung her all up with new elastic. I was filled with pride for her. I would never have taken one of my other incredibly expensive dolls apart, nor would I have sudeded them, but Fanchon was not only very cheap, but had special needs and required all of this. I made things up as I went along. I used sewing elastic, which ends up being a little too slack, and I super-glued beige microfiber dust cloth to her sockets as her "suede." I have never even seen a doll sueded, but I really love how she turned out. You can see some of the buff-colored cloth around her joints, but it is positioned neatly, and I am proud to show that I did it. In addition I cleaned almost every little atom of paint from her, except from her face, which I knew better than to touch with anything damp, and her fingers, which were the worst hit and also the most delicate to clean. The residue is ve...

I wonder if I will ever do what I would like to do. I have three porcelain maidens, fairer than any doll I have seen, undressed, re-wigged and waiting for their fairy tale garb. One of them is Swanhilde, the Snow White. Another, Katharine, the Cinderella, and the third is Isabeau, the Beauty in the Beast's castle. I have had such fantasies about them and their clothes, but I have not had time to sew anything for them. In the house we might have there is a large building full of rusted junk. I relish the chance to make something of it. Finally I would be able to make my recycled doll house, and all kinds of things. For now the time I might give to dolls is all taken up, and any money I might spend on them profoundly out of the question. When I think of how fortunate I was to find and purchase Fanchon, my only ball-jointed doll, so cheaply, and before a time when I can do no spending at all. I don't know when I will be able to finish repairing her. Work has been so busy, and my e...

I took Fanchon apart today and examined her various maladies. It was strange to be handling a ball-jointed doll again. I really loved the feeling of scrubbing her down, examining her cracks and sharp edges and planning where I would suede her. I love the thought of transforming her from a horridly painted, cracked thing into a luxury ball-jointed doll. I put her eyelashes in today. It was my best setting ever! It was another thing I never thought I would do again. My work in the laboratory for the past year has made me much stronger and more dextrous, and I think I will be able to do everything I want for her. I will look on the forums about how to repair her cracks and chipping joints. I will plan everything I want to do before I put her back together again, because I do not want to unstring her again after this. She is too delicate.

Dreams I have had a couple of dreams recently. One was about Josette. I remember a dream of her at least once a week, but I have the feeling I dream of her much more often. I dreamed she was restored to me, that she had not burned. I saw smudges of black upon her skin I was able to wipe away. I sat her before me, her long, long hair draped around her. Her height, her heaviness, were exact to my memory. The next night I dreamed I received Betty the Beautiful Bride in the mail. That has a definite possibility of coming true, since Betty is on my list of wanted dolls.

Last week I had a vision of Fanchon and Elton walking together in River Legacy Park. I anticipated with happiness the forthcoming summer, when I will be able to photograph my dolls in nature again. I am going to resurrect my Flickr again, which I have not used in at least three years, as another medium for sharing. Spring is coming forth. Everything around me is a soft green. I can see down into the river from the balcony. The leaves are so tender and half-furled.

I can't believe it. It looks like the rusted gates to The Garden of Virtues are going to be laboriously parted by small articulated resin hands after all once more. I am glad that I am buying Lanie's Angel, but I am also a little sad. I remember disposing of Dresden along with my other dolls. I was in a vicious rage. I hesitated over Dresden's prone form, thinking, goodness, even I don't think of her as a BJD, is this really necessary? And then, blindly, cutting the strings. I can't believe I am actually talking about this now. I have not talked about it before. I regretted losing her afterward, because I did not really need to part with her. She was a sweet, special presence, a little woman. I have kept all of her eyes, wigs and clothes. Of course I will never forget the moments in which I divested all of my BJD's of their clothing, wigs and eyes. The other day Henry came around with a little velcro he had found and I grew faint, knowing that it had come fro...

I think Victorian's new name will be Barnabas. Victorian is too beta-male, Barnabas is more alpha-male. I will need Box cutter Avocado green paint Wider paint brush Things Barnabas should have A French coffee press A chef's apron Gourmet coffees Laptop and laptop bag A trendy messenger bag too, maybe in orange Clothing must-haves A frilly white shirt An olive tweed suit Indian-pattern pajamas from my chartreuse scraps from the skirt failure Also need to Check out dollhouse books from the library Cross stitch Exotic floor mats, wall hangings Plastic canvas Need to get furniture patterns Have good basket pattern Color palette Deep brown Avocado White Occasional stripe Rust tones, tribal colors

Part of my ideas for the 100 things for dolly challenge. Inspired by Domino. Victorian has evolved into a modern man for me, a stylish interior-decorator type rather than a romantic 19th century vagabond. His house would be constructed of sturdy corrugated cardboard. I will decide what pieces I want to harvest from the recycling and preserve them. The exterior will be painted avocado green, the windows cut out with a box cutter. I will harvest his window panes from the hard plastic coverings from our electronics packaging. His rugs and hangings will be cross stitched. I can use my African or native inspired patterns for those. He will have lots of plants. I would love for him to have a rooftop vegetable garden and a solar panel. It will be really interesting if I can rig a small solar panel to furnish dollhouse circuitry with electricity. If not, he can do without electricity. His couches, bed, cushions could be made from my old clothes and stuffed with scraps. I could also try making ...